Monday, October 26, 2015

To All of us, Mom's.


I’ve been wanting to write about this, but I have had mixed emotions about it for a long time.

Like 3 years of a long time. 
My heart played a lot of games with me about this- my heart and my mind. When I decided that I was going to write a blog, I knew I needed it to be the truth- and nothing but the truth. I didn't want to waste your time or mine.

It was to tell of God's goodness through all of it. Nothing Else.

With all of that being said, I really want to talk to the Mom's today who are pulled by guilt, shame, the feeling of inadequacy, and anything else that comes with being a mom.

When I first got married, I just knew I was going to be a stay at home mom. I saw how beautiful it was, and really envied the the whole idea of it. To spend quality time with babies, to see them grow moment by moment, to be there for everything and not miss a thing. 
That's what I had in my mind that was going to be my life.

I just knew it- God totally had to give me the desires of my heart, right? He knew I so badly wanted this, and was ready to start this new chapter in my life.

And then, it didn't happen.
What actually happened was exactly what I needed, and what God had for me. 

Hard to hear? Yes, it is.
But it is so true.

This season for me had become a season of faith growth. I mean, like some serious faith was being birthed.
My mind was blown.
 How could my father not give me what I want? And was this really the best thig he had for me? 
To not be with my daughter?
I was totally disillusioned.

In the beginning of her life- I struggled. She didn't sleep well, she was spirited. 
She kicked my tail. I was suffering from Post-Partum Depression and didn't even know it. Life was moving around me so quickly that I missed what was going on.
 (I am going to touch on that subject by itself one day.)

I started working not too long after she was born, and I seriously could not see how this made any sense. I was so angry and bitter. I wanted to live a life that was full of love and grace- but I just couldn't see it, or better yet I could not feel it.

My life was one big “I have to do this or I won't live up". 
Live up to what? Whose standards? I quickly realized friends, that my heart and mind had been tricked. I was living with a constant need to do and be enough- and parenthood was just one of the ways God was going to show me my ugly, and renew my heart. 

And man did he begin to work- Let round 573 of the purging begin.

See, because at the end of the day it’s not about whether you are working or not. I thought if I could have stayed home, that it all would have been ok. That I wouldn't of gone through that season. Oh but Sweet Alexandra, you just had no idea. God's plans are always perfect- and He was going to show me, he was going to give me a taste of his faithfulness. And I tasted sweet sisters. It took a few years in this season to get it. And when I began to see it all for what it was, I saw his redemption song all over it. My heart was being made new.

 It doesn't matter if you stay home, part-time- or whatever. 
He will do what He needs to do right where he has us.
We just have to allow Him to show us what that is. It takes us opening our hearts and being still- even in the madness.

 It's about your trust for Him, and living with and In His Joy and Goodness through it.
 What your family needs, sister is not want your friends family needs. And comparing your life to another’s will just pretty much rob you.
It gives the enemy a foothold sister- it’s the begging of something that will consume you and destroy you.

He has called you to be where you are in life- not only has he called you sweet sister, but It is in his perfect will to have you there. He knows where we are needed, and he will take care of the rest. It’s a beautiful and ridiculously difficult juggling act, all while having a blindfold on.
Without faith in Him- without seeking His will and guidance, it will feel and be impossible. We will constantly be out of breath- and I don't know about you sis, but I am tired of being out of breath.

  Seeing God's hand work through it all is the beauty of it. He does what he does in all situations and circumstances.

So if you are a mom-
   Be freed right now from Guilt, shame, and any other heavy and ugly thing that the enemy has taken from you.

 Lets run to our father and seek His face- let's allow Him to guide us in this hard and difficult journey. 
_______________________________________________________________________

Love on your momma friend-and tell her you love her.

 Remind her that in ALL that she does, she is righteous, chosen, and redeemed.

 That God has given her those Children because he knew she would be the best for them.

 Remind her that whether she is at home or not- that her Children will see a disciple of Christ, 
Loving in Grace and courage. 

A Brave women, who has been called for such a time as this.

Father,
We come to you right now asking you to guide us Lord through this thing called motherhood. We pray that you fill us God, and equip us to be the women that you have called us to be right where we are at, not only for our families, but for your people. Remind us everyday father, why it is that we have breath. Engrave in us a sense of urgency to live a life of Boldness and truth. To live a life that will show and reflect your goodness-because through this we know our Children will take heath. Their hearts will see these things in action. Lord, let them not be just words God, but let us walk these things out with a fierce conviction and grace. 

In Jesus Name, Amen.

Love you Sister Friend,


You Rock. 

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Jonah- Road Of Redemption




Have you ever read the Story of Jonah? Maybe the Whale rings a bell? Well, if you haven't, I pray that you do after you read this.

 I have re-read Jonah a few times. And I love seeing God shows me His story, and what he has from that story for my life.

To sum it up, Jonah was a Man who was willing to deliver God's message. He loved Him, and knew that God loved Him back. He had gone through a situation that showed Him God’s Grace and Goodness, and yet still struggled to understand God's Grace.

This time around- I saw just how ugly Jonah was feeling towards the people of Nineveh. He couldn't understand how God could give them so much Grace and love. 

Sounds a lot like us, huh?
 We spend so much time looking at others situations, problems, sin, etc. wondering why it is that they have what they have- and how we don't have that or more. This goes into a depth of things.
Jealousy, bitterness, anger, comparison, and our identity. 

This is an ugly sign of self-righteousness and pride. 

Let's dive into this you guys. Every day we are faced with comparison and jealousy. We wake up praying that our hearts won't do that ugly thing that it does- and end up consumed by whatever it is that soaked us in, in the first place. 

What if we lived a life of Daring Grace? If we looked at others around us with the lenses of our father?  See, Jonah failed to see that the people of Nineveh were on a road of redemption. Just like Him.

 Just like us. 

God knew what his children had to endure and go through to get to a place of loving and seeing Him for who he us. God saw their hearts turn from sin, they humbled themselves, and fell to the ground with hearts of repentance and love. 

What did Jonah do? He got angry. He was angry because he didn't understand how through everything that they had done, God still showed them Grace. Jonah just new that he was better than them. He totally knew what they had coming- or so he thought. 

Had Jonah forgotten what he had just gone through? Did he forget how God showed HIM mercy and grace, compassion and love through his story and journey of sanctification & redemption? 

Yeah, he totally did. He felt righteous and more worthy then the people of Nineveh- 
I mean, he thought he was it! God had asked him to deliver a message, so he must have been more worthy in the eyes of God, Right? 

Wrong. 

Here's some of what went down-

Jonah 4:1-4
"But to Jonah this seemed very wrong, and he became angry. 2 He prayed to the Lord, “Isn’t this what I said, Lord, when I was still at home? That is what I tried to forestall by fleeing to Tarshish. I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity. 3 Now, Lord, take away my life, for it is better for me to die than to live.”
4 But the Lord replied, “Is it right for you to be angry?”

He threw a temper tantrum.

This sounds like a lot of us, right now. Angry and not understanding God's Grace. If we don’t understand God's Grace towards others, than I know that we don’t understand it for ourselves. I want to live with the Grace that Gods gives. A Daring Grace. The Grace that doesn't make sense, and it shouldn't. Jonah's Identiy was in how good of a Christian He has, what he thought he deserved vs. others around Him. 

In my life, I want to live looking at my heart and self-first- being raw and getting into the ugly within myself. By doing that first, I am able to see what Jesus had for me through His story. Not worried about the stories of others, just being his hands and feet while I’m here. 

Today, live with daring Grace. 

Let’s Check our ugly hearts first- Let’s look at how self-righteous we are- how self-involved and consumed we are. 
Not with just "things" but more importantly, with who and what we lay our identity in.  

If it’s not rooted in Christ- then it’s out.

Love you Guys, 

Alexandra 

Friday, October 9, 2015

All Of Us






I have missed you guys.

My heart has been in a huge tug of war game, it has been crazy. Every day I am back and forth with just about everything. Am I making the right decisions? Am I really in God's will? Does he have this for me or is this just my flesh? That and then everything else that goes on through my day.
The biggest thing that’s been going crazy in there is how I feel about where our culture and society is today with this whole calling thing- being on mission- meeting you goals- dreaming big, etc.

Now let me just say this first. I absolutely totally know and believe that there is a beautiful and incredible journey that God has for each and every one of us. That he has given us all a purpose. I don't want this to sound and be  a "self-help" Gods Got something big for you post. But I am going to talk about what He has for you, and for the all of us through His story.

God didn’t just say "only a few of you will have a calling". He didn't just call out the "Creatives and the bloggers" the business owners and the speakers. He called us ALL to do this thing. Here it is-
To be his Disciple.

What?! Yup. That's it. Not as glamourous as you imagined it to be? Let me please tell you that it is, sweet sis. That is brings more joy, peace, and goodness than anything else.

We are totally consumed right now with being a "someone" and doing "something". This culture is stuck in a crazy idea that we have to get to something or do something to see what God has for us. Not true sisters. His desire for his people has always been to live life in His Love, Grace, and Freedom so that we are then able to be his hands in feet through whatever we do. I so badly want to scream from the top of my lungs that- You my friend are not purposeless.

Let’s look back to the beginning of your story. What has God been doing since day one in you? What has he deposited in your heart through your journey? From day one he has been the redeemer of everything, and he knew that your story and journey would be another redemption song.
Your redemption song is story and your testimony. Whatever you are going through now is not just for you but for someone else. And that is part of what your mission on here is- to tell of His goodness in that. 

Sisters, he will spur things in us. Dreams, visions, and desires for His Glory. This is all true- But what He doesn't want us to do, is to pull and tug at everything we see to try and fill a void that only he can fill.

 He wants you to live fully in Him. And with that comes seeing that you are living a life to glorify Him in all that you do.

Everything that we say and do, sisters is part of living a life on purpose. If what he asked us to do is to be his disciples- then the everyday, the small things, are just as big as the ones that you aspire to do.

Continue to dream big, but dream big for Him, and whatever comes from that, is just pure goodness. HE makes us come alive. And when we are Alive in Him, we are never living empty and without purpose.

Love you, sister friend.

XOXO,
Alexandra

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Where In the World Have I Been?




Where have I been for the past 6 weeks. M.I.A right? I took some time to re-group and just breath.

I pretty much skipped over a ton of things and life Events that have occurred overt the past 3 months, so I am going to try and sum them up, and go from there!! 

Haha! 

Jesus Has moved in a huge way, I feel like I say that all of the time, and I do!
 (Of course right? He's all knowing and just Rocks, there is not a good enough word to even describe him.)
 That always amazes me, and stops me right in my tracks.

  1.  My Husband took a huge leap of faith- and started his own business.
  2. I was finally obedient and Organized a women's gathering Called Encounter. Our First gathering Happened last month, on March 21st.
  3. My husband transitioned over to the Church that we have been wanting to attend for over 1/2 a year. Huge Blessing and a total God thing. 
  4. My Children have really started arguing, it's real. 
  5. I took a break in School, not sure at this point when I am going to return.
  6. I met some pretty amazing women.
  7.  God purged me again. Growing Pains are real. Embracing it.


To sum it up, It's been crazy around here, in the best way possible. Work around this time of year is pretty tough too, so balancing it all out has been a real learning curve for me.

Something that I would like to share with you all, is that I have been going through is some serious

"People pleasing anxiety" Purging. Jesus knows my Struggle with with. And because I asked him to help, He Stepped in and Did.

And the Purging began.

Whenever you are being separated from ugly sin, you are going to go through growing pains, and that's the truth. There is a lot that plays in our hearts whenever we are so concerned with pleasing others and what they think.

 Pride, Selfishness, Jealousy, Envy, or just really having an ugly hearts towards a situation.

 If you mix all of that up and add brokenness, shame, hurt, embarrassment, and pain, It is a perfect set up to just create another strong hold and issue. 

Man, I have always suffered with this. I want everyone to like me and to accept me. Even with my huge "front" up, the whole- "I don't think what they care!" And, " I am good either way" act, I'm still looking for an "Ok" and and acceptance. 

I think that there is a right and definitely a healthy way of really getting to a place where you really are not concerned about what people think-

And that happens when you start having confidence in who you are IN our FATHER. If we truly understood our worth and who belong to- then we would only be waking up to worship and love our God. We have to really get to the bottom of why we are so hungry for others to love, like, or accept us. When you start to look and see why, you begin to pull out a lot more than what you thought was in there, or was even a problem.

See, there is nothing that we can do to make God love us more, he just does. He see's us through the eyes of Jesus. He see's love and hope in US because of the Cross. We are made perfect in the Cross.

This is my Joy and my Hope. 

Be encourages sisters in Christ- Lets live a life of Worship in Love and in Relationship with the Father, this is the only way to get away and break any type of bondage.








This Blog post was a running start for me again, to get back in and re-ignite my fire.

 I am committed to writing on my blog once a week, it is so good for my soul and my heart. It is therapy, and a great excuse for "me time".

I missed this, and I am excited to be back. I love you all.

And as always,

You Rock,
XOXO- Alexandra


Saturday, February 28, 2015

What do you do? 5 Things that Help Me out.



My Goodness!
There wasn't enough coffee for today- Or Any day.
Ok, so it has been over a week sense my last post. I guess I’ve been trying to figure it all out. Why do I blog? What in the world am I doing? Do I even have time for this? Is this my first ministry? 

 A conversation with one of my sisters just confirmed so much that I have been dealing and struggling with. My brain is constantly moving and going, and I find it so hard to find time and energy to make everything in my brain happen. How God do you want to do you everything that is in me to do, and cook dinner? Where will I find time to serve, be in ministry, put my family first, and then every other thing that I need to do? 
Lord, Can I please have like 4 more hours in the day? 
Oh, and can you please make me not tired anymore? 

(Don't mind our friend "Jeff" in the back)

I have been praying about this, like for real.
 Have I been called to do all of this? Is this my flesh? Is it my heart’s desire?
Besides being a wife, and a mother, is there anything else that I have a fire and a longing to do? And If so, Am I just too afraid to admit it?

All of us have that something that we love to do, and its finding out what that is, and seeing how it can glorify the kingdom of God, and bring people to the cross. 
That. Is. It.

I have had to figure out a schedule for things. Be super intentional about what I do, and when I do it. It is about taking steps of faith, walking in grace and mercy, and being brave enough because of him to do things that you know you have been called to do. On certain days I serve for my church, other days I go to school- I log on to instagram- and blog.- and now I have added Encounter to the weekly schedule of life. haha!
I also have to fit time in to have my daily needed Jesus time, which is what this ALL is about, right?
 Our fuel, our father, it’s a necessity, not just something that we can skip over and not do. This needs to be the very 1st thing we do.

Now, here is the thing. Getting away and having time to do this seems to be the hardest thing for us to do. Whether you are a stay at home mom- or you work full time, it is HARD!
God doesn't want anything fancy, even if it’s just when you are in the bathroom, even if its just 5 minutes of you telling him how much you need him, and if that's all you can get in that day, then that is it. The thing he wants the most is our love and time. He wants us to grow in relationship with him, he wants us to know that he is there to love on us, and comfort us. 



So, if it takes you being super intentional about waking up 20 minutes earlier than usual, and making that time happen, then do it! If you know that you are able to stay awake a little later at night, or turn the TV off/ Internet off and do some Jesus time, then let’s do it! 

Some other things that have helped me out:
  1. Having a small calendar to make sure that I can SEE everything I need to do. My mind gets really clouded and messy when it is not on paper, so this is a must for me.
  2. Making the time that I have count.
  3. I have allowed myself to stop thinking about what I CAN'T do, and let Jesus tell me what I CAN to do. 
  4. I have surrounded myself with people that get it. Even if it’s just one friend, do it. Make sure that someone else around you is encouraging you to be intentional. I call it, being "Mission" minded. This is not a bad thing you guys. Being mission minded is kingdom that is what Jesus was on earth for, he came to complete a mission, to save us all. Now, we are on a mission for the kingdom.
  5. Give yourself a break- cut yourself some slack. Some or a lot of what you want to get done might not happen- And that's ok! This is just to help you organize your mind and re-prioritize.

We are all able to do it, it has to be through HIM though. There is no way that I could do what I do without him. Last month I didn't think any of this was possible, and my pity parties were SO real!! Haha! (They may still occur once a week) and I may quite just in general every, 2 hours. None of this makes you bullet proof, but with standing on God’s grace and mercy, it’s all possible. 

Love you ladies,
Be encouraged. He is with us. Whenever you feel overwhelmed, let him consume you so that you can be overwhelmed by him. He will give you peace.

You Rock.

XOXO,
Alexandra